Fear is a greasy sneak

 

It is absolutely amazing how fear sneaks up on you…

I was sitting on the back step having my morning coffee and cigarette (yes, a cigarette, very uncool, very unhealthy, I know. I have two or three a day and I am quite old enough to decide whether or not I choose to have a cigarette :-P) Any way I was sitting there watching the blackbirds and planning my day.  It’s particularly sunny and I have a stack of shit I want to get done, which is fine, It was the debate about whether or not to do some exercise that pulled me up short… strange because the answer is always YES to that question, or at least it was…

In the past I have been known to be a bit of a dedicated fitness freak with boarder-line super powers ( my MMA instructor couldn’t break me) and my partner recently, just last night in fact, admitted that he found my exercise and fitness practices intimidating .. I so did not know that, I thought that he thought I was a demented exercise junkie… Just goes to show you should never assume what people are thinking about you because you are generally going to be incredibly wrong! But that’s a thought for another day. I was a fitness instructor with clients who loved me and what in hindsight was a pretty flash body to cap it all off.. so the answer back then was always yes.  “Should I swing kettlebells today?” – Yes. “ Should I go for a run?” – Yes. Every day was an opportunity to improve on yesterday .. fast forward to today on the doorstep

There I was when I caught myself “what iffing” the hell out of exercise.. example “what if I hurt myself?”, “what if I have a heart attack”, “what if I look like a dick” and other assorted lovely little doubts like ..”But I’ll have to find clothes to do this and …” “ I don’t want to not have energy for the rest of the day” and blah blah blah on and on it went.  The answer to all these silly little questions is “SO THE FUCK WHAT? – JUST GET ON WITH IT!!”  However it surprised me that I was doing this to myself and I had been wondering why I was having so much trouble getting back to good responsible exercises practices after returning from Australia .. and there you have it – FEAR.

How do I figure it’s fear?  Well, Its really simple – None of these questions are a matter of morals or ethics, Its a matter of how I see myself and worrying about shit that probably wont happen (extrapolating out into the future) rather than just doing it and seeing. Other thoughts were good old procrastination poking its or in .. like the clothing thing – If I used that as an excuse (oh dear!!) its a pretty sad state of affairs really .. just find the goddamn clothes woman, its not a matter of life and death!

Fear can catch us at any turn .. for example, you want to start a business doing something you love but you find yourself making all sorts of excuses (as opposed to valid arguments ) why you can’t – that’s fear having it wicked way with you and you would do well to tell it to sod off and find someone else to annoy and get on with doing what you want to do.

Fear has its place .. its there to stop us from doing really dumb shit ( see the “Darwin Awards” movie) and winding up as worm food. But most of the time we let it get out of control and start running our lives because of things like our self worth ( what will people think about a large breasted, grey haired woman strapping on some running shoes and plodding around the block at low, wobbly speed ..) or what we’ve been told by well meaning family and friends (“you’ll just end up hurting or making a fool yourself..”) or a least well meaning and reasonably restrictive societal construct (“Failure is bad..you need to be productive” ..) blah blah blah …

Well you know what I reckon?  Nobody actually really gives a shit and if we are going to what if .. then what If I inspire some one else to put on some shoes and go for a walk? OR what if I accident end up looking amazing because I decided to improve my health OR What if my crazy business idea actually works and I get to do what I enjoy everyday?  Now there’s a thought .. so today I’m flicking fear the bird and getting the fuck on with it.

Advertisements

5 things I will be doing differently in 2017

img_0047

A photographic representation of 2016.

2016 was tough

It was a year that left in its wake a plethora of dead celebrities some of whom we were sure would live for ever and others we had no clue that they were unwell, it was the year the gave us epic political uncertainty as Britain Brexit’d and the US voted in a person as the inbound president who needs no introduction but left us all agog at what had happened. On a more personal level it saw personal struggles from death to financial trails to relationship struggles that I have never had to endure before, a year I spent  living on a ridgeline in the Australian bush in a portable cabin .. great views, awesome wildlife, not good for the car and not quite as good for the soul as I may have initially thought .. 2016 was tough.  I know I’m not the only one who felt the constant kick in the nuts that 2016 kept on delivering.  Thank God that’s over!

I don’t do the resolution thing, i never really have but I do do course corrections when things are going pear-shaped and I finally catch on – so here is what I will be doing differently in 2017…

I will put my health and well-being first.

In the years preceding 2016 being strong and healthy were high on my agenda, I prioritised regular exercise at least 40 mins of medium intensity 4+ times a week, I had run a half marathon, tried my hand at bodybuilding and maintained a low heart rate and blood pressure that made doctors nervous.  My diet was plant based and I maintained a body that was functionally healthy and strong. Sure I smoked and drank but I’m not perfect. Cue 2016 with its study demands which involved a reasonable amount of travel and earlier mornings than what my body is naturally geared for, cue the lack of a kitchen that I could really cook in (yay living in the bush) and living in the bush where everything made me nervous .. exercise as I had known it went out the window closely followed by its best bud healthy eating …cue expanding pants sizes and general self loathing teamed with relative isolation and I had a recipe for physical and mental unwellness that I hadn’t experienced since i first left home and went a wee bit of the rails.

So all of that needs to change .. 2017 is where I reclaim my health and well-being – it’s back to regular exercise and good, healthy food and getting back to my former super-woman-ness.  Pushing weights, swinging kettlebells, running, swimming, laughing etc etc…

Oh side note on health and well being .. I experienced a lot of being told what I needed to do for my healing this year .. i wont be letting that happen again. we all intuitively know what it is we need to be better, sometimes we just need a little assistance and that’s cool, what’s not cool is being hijacked.

Quit Worrying

I pretty much think that if worry was an Olympic sport I could worry for New Zealand, I would be a gold medalist, so good am I at worrying.  Problem is most of what I worry about is a) something that’s probably never going to happen or b) something I genuinely cant do anything about right now, so all I am doing is adding stress I don’t need, losing sleep and generally making myself miserable. God knows I don’t think I need anymore grey hair!

Most of the worry is financial .. how am I going to pay the blah blah blah when xyz???  Well what about if I just quit worrying about it.. when I signed up for that particular thing I wasn’t experiencing financial hardship nor was I planning on experiencing it but shit happens and life changes .. I will do the best I can and whats the worst that can happen? Can i live with that?  Yep, well then its time to quit worrying !

Spend less time in the digital world

Most of us are guilty of this,  spending too much time staring at a screen and not enough time getting sun on your face and engaging with REAL people. As technology has become more prevalent and easier to use we’ve become more and more involved in that world.  I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that however we are experiencing epidemic loneliness, we take our mobile phones with us everywhere and half the time don’t even talk to those that are sitting next to us, we email across the office instead of getting up and talking to the other person. When was the last time you couldn’t be reached at any point during your day?  Have you seen a sunrise/set that wasn’t on instagram recently?

We are made of atoms and all the stuff in between and share 90% of the same DNA as daffodils (apparently). We are designed to move and interact with others of our species, to be involved in life life living it vicariously through a credit card and screen. So this year I’m spending less time in virtual reality and more time engaged with real life, I might even attempt gardening!

God-damn but this years been overly dismal, don’t you think?  Bloody death skulking around like he owns the place, putting the frightners on people, causing sadness and despair left, right and centre, or was that the politicians?  Hard to say, really. All I know was that I lost my funny at about an early-ish point of 2016 and gees it was a bummer.. so this year I will be taking the piss out of stuff all over the place because I’m done with crying

ptsd

I don’t know who did this but I think it’s hilarious and strangely familiar ..

Read this list

From time to time I know I’m going to forget what I set out to do so Im going to keep copies of this list and other things that are attached to this list in visible place so I am reminded often of what I need to do to make this year rock.

2017 – It can only get better

singnature

 

 

Mr Foxephant and his pet Potato

Mr Foxephant

Yep its been six month since i posted and i thought that it might be time to get back to it … i have been busy studying, creating and training in Graphic Design and I can believe its been 5 months of me doing that already.. 5 months to go !

Anyway here is Mr Foxephant and his pet potato Spud Chippewa  Gouache on watercolour paper.. Hope you like him 😀

What I’m reading #1

image

So I have been thinking about sharing what I’m reading with you for ages but frankly i am a bit of a slow starter 😜 .. But here we go after a lot of procrastination I’m getting this underway and mostly because I am reading something a bit different…

“Craft for the soul” by Pip Lincolne. I really don’t know why I picked this up at the library the other day as its not usually my sort of thing at all.. I am a serious how-to book kind of gal. I want the information so I can get on with the job. But just a few pages in I was diving for my notebook so I could undertake so well rounded list making.  Pip’s style is fun and fresh, if just a little to flowery for me but there is the odd swear word which helps me feel that its all a bit more real.  The book is very well presented, with a cute hardbound cover and it is well laid out, easy to navigate.
This would be a great book for you if you are looking for get out of bed and do stuff motivation …also good for us creatives who get trapped in our own bullshit.. Ohh and there is a pancake recipe I want to try… I think that I would buy this book because I want to scribble in it and highlight stuff and use the cute page markers I bought last week!
You can check Pip Lincolne out over at her meetmeatmikes website.
Anyway I’ve gottaget back to this book
Ciao for now
Jay